Online Dating: responding to emails


A few months ago, I wrote a somewhat tongue-in-cheek piece containing advice for women writing profiles for online dating sites, notably Match.com. It was meant to be humorous and helpful, particularly about the use of photos, and – thankfully! – if it has offended anyone, they haven’t let me have it with both barrels! (That may be also due to this blog being by invitation or serendipity, i.e. I make no effort to publicize it.)

I have read hundreds of profiles by women. My appetite – and stamina! – for doing so may, in part, be attributed to being accustomed to reading a different kind of profile in my professional life: resumes and CVs. Almost unconsciously, my “eye” is trained to evaluate, assess, and draw conclusions, based on the information at hand about the individuals represented. Call it an occupational hazard combined with the curiosity about people (and what makes them “tick”) that led me to both majoring in psychology and falling into my profession….which leads me to the topic of this posting and human behavior.

The one thing that baffles me the most is the non-response rate when I (finally) read a profile that is of interest. I don’t mean “non-response” as in the interest not being mutual. I mean “non-response” as in someone not even taking the 2 seconds to click the “no thanks” button Match provides for sending an auto-reply.

I am bothered by this for several reasons. On a general level, I see it as a lack of courtesy towards someone who has taken their time to write, which is flattering, i.e. a stranger found something about you attractive and interesting. Thus, it’s rude (to me) NOT hitting that button or, better, penning a short “thank you, no thank you” when someone writes. I always try to write something: it’s kind and considerate. On a personal level, my emails to profiles are thoughtful and show I READ the profile and see points of connectivity (or else I wouldn’t be writing…duh!). It’s perfectly fine that they disagree or don’t find my profile to be interesting or me “attractive”: one only needs to be accepted by the right person.

My question, dear reader, if you are a woman and have done online dating, is: “Do you think I am being too ‘sensitive’ on this issue?”

About Drachenfutter

It's all in my blog....
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4 Responses to Online Dating: responding to emails

  1. dgreenleaf says:

    Not at all. I agree that it’s totally rude and inconsiderate not to respond. But I believe people have forgotten or chosen to ignore even the most fundamental courtesies. I guess they feel shielded by the anonymity and impersonality of the Internet. I would only wish that someone does the same to them, but then that’s really not helping anything, is it. It just perpetuates the impression that it’s okay to be rude. When I see this happening it makes me feel old……and crabby.

  2. Thanks, Deidra: what you are is neither old or crabby: you are a classy Dame (my highest compliment) and I appreciate the reality check. (Barry is the one who is crabby, Lol!)

    I think I take the silence personally because I believed the person portrayed in the profile as being the kind of person who IS considerate and HAS manners…. and I was wrong in my judgement. Sigh.

  3. noname says:

    Ok, I’ll give it a go…for whatever it’s worth I usually receive somewhere between 15 and 30 emails a day from online dating sites. I am a single mother with limited time on a computer and/or smart phone. I don’t feel great about that, but life is short and I choose to spend those extra moments in the day with my little boy.

    • Hi “noname” – I certainly understand about busy schedules and priorities for our limited time, so I appreciate your input. Do you at least hit the “no thanks” button that, for example, Match.com provides? That takes no time at all and at least acknowledges having received the email. It’s all I ask, just an acknowledgement for closure.

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